the long unrelenting AHHHHHHHHHHHH

there is that long, unrelenting "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" in the background noise of my head every minute of every day, a clue to the underlying stress.

final year is really a cycle of ups and downs - stresses and boredom. you keep looking at the same material, thinking you know it already, only to be shocked into stress when some doctor pops you a question on basic stuff on to find you've already forgotten it/ don't know it quite as well as you thought/ totally clueless.
(FYI, i am usually in the last catergory :( how daft)

my stress levels have been rapid cycling several times in a day, up down up down up down up down. something to that extent, maybe more!
it's enough to drive a person mad. plus i get resting tachycardias and sometimes i wake up at night with palpitations and drenched in cold sweat from an exam nightmare. AWFUL :(
worst of all is not being able to sleep because of the stress induced palpitations! :(
i should really start taking a beta blocker soon or i'm going to fall to pieces before the exams even start.

i'm manifesting my stress externally by having pain in every single place you can think of. my orthopod tutor was laughing at me for having more pain than an old granny.
i have chronic back pain, knee pain (from chondromalacia), shoulder pain (from impingement), thumb pain (from cheerleading, zookeeper's thumb), a mucinous cyst on my finger and toes, hyperlaxity causing flat feet and lax ankles.
and oh, neck pain from not sleeping well and headache from all the pain :\
no wonder he was lauging at me as he went through my list one by one! but he was very nice about it and offered to prescribe me beta blockers if i needed them. i think i'll take him up on his offer soon!

the long unrelenting AHHHHHHHHHHHHH? i have to learn to deal with it (no, i am not hearing voices yet. just one voice!) and hopefully it will spur me to actually studying instead of sitting in front of my books and mountains of papers pretending to study so my parents won't nag at me. :\

2 good things about this week:
1) ortho is FULL OF EYE CANDY :D my favourite tutor has a lovely sexy baritone and is really hot, to boot. he radiates charisma and i've obviously been swooning over him and my friends are so exasperated with me they roll their eyes at me every time he walks by. haha.
2) i saw cute medic boy (now a doctor!) and he remembers me! :D oh, joy!

happy valentines, you all! :D