oops i guess i'd better explain myself about my career choice!

after re-reading what i wrote, i guess it really does sound like i want to do paeds or neonatology. but the reality is, i hate paediatrics because i'm totally useless when kids cry (i only feel like slapping them to make them shut up - i have not a single patient bone in my body when faced with a crying/screaming/temper tantrummed/etc. kid, and will make an awful parent, i know). plus, paeds makes my brain hurt. i went home with headaches everyday from my paeds posting. there is SO MUCH TO KNOW, and there is so much at stake.
i must admit, a part of it comes from spending time in the hospital as a kid. i detested hospitals and doctors for a long long time. so doing paeds was facing up to all these hidden/repressed memories!

and as for neonatology, i actually did consider it, but i always feel massive twinges in the neonatal wards - the babies are so tiny, and all fighting for their lives. i feel even more helpless, and i really can't bear that they're so helpless and i can't help them.

i have way too much respect for paediatricians and neonatologists to even consider going into their field. it requires far more brain power, patiences and loving kindness than i ever could possess.

i know i also waxed lyrically about ENT/otorhinolaryngology some time back, but thinking hard about it, i realised as fun as it is, i really can't see myself doing it everyday for the rest of my life. i like it very much, but i'm not as passionate about it as i am about OB/GYN. it's interesting, sure, i like it and i enjoy it extremely. but it doesn't get me going first thing in the morning, it doesn't get my adrenaline pumping and my heart racing. it feels exciting, but safe at the same time. and i'm the kid who usually rides the biggest rollercoaster in the amusement park! but ENT is a close choice behind OB/GYN and urology.

urology is much fun! :D that can't be denied. i have lots of fun seeing patients, in the OT and out, i like clinics and it's pretty simple yet you get lots of hands on fun. but it's also a male discipline, for a large part. and i still prefer women's problems to men's problems because i can relate.

whereas, in OB/GYN, i'm dealing with (mostly) motivated patients, who know what they're in for, who are coherent, who are adults and (usually) sensible. the big difference between kids and adults. i love doing deliveries, i love the way the father steals up to the baby after the delivery and ogles over it, the way he kisses and thanks the mother after the delivery, the way they both cry (mother openly, father secretly) whilst looking at the baby, the way the mother eagerly reaches out for the baby and holds it so tight. i love that.
i love picking up the newly bundled baby and looking at it in awe and amazement. and the way the parents show the baby unconditional love.

i love gynae, and how cervical cancer is the most treatable cancer in the world, there's even a vaccine for it! gynae surgeries are simple and understandable, the anatomy is clear and usually a joy to behold.

there is much i love about OB/GYN! :D

so the part about the grasp reflex being the best thing in the world? it's true. but i was thinking more in terms of delivering the baby rather than taking care of the baby. that's all. :)

because i am tired, and sometimes you just need hope that there'll be a better tomorrow.

met a lovely ENT prof in the OR whilst pottering around waiting for things to happen. managed to ask him a few questions regarding my pawp's friend - who happened to be treated by him! i had no idea, and neither had he. i guess it's one too many patients!

but it's always lovely when profs make time to answer your questions, so you don't feel like the lowly medical student aka dirt-on-the-bottom-of-the-shoe or MRSA-in-the-OR. yay for good profs! and he wasn't even in charge of me - i'm doing anaesthesia now!

anaesthesia, on the other hand, is a whole different story. far be it from me to enthuse about anaesthesia, and far be it from me to say i have the brains needed to do anaesthesia. i have been routinely amazed at how much information the anaesthetists/anaesthesiologists (whichever they choose to call themselves - i'm clueless in this aspect) have at their fingertips, and their calm and serenity in handling all sorts of situations is nothing sort of breath-taking. i freaked out when i saw i grade 3 larynx - no glottis in sight at all!!! and yet, the anaesthetist calmly looked and asked for another blade and just intubated the patient. like that! snap fingers!

my paeds elective just got cancelled! :(

and i have and ENT test tomorrow that i haven't studied for yet. :(

can my life get any worse?

pardon the melodrama but oh, i really did need that paeds elective to have a chance in hope of passing my finals, having done paeds so very very very long ago!

WOE. am most definitely NOT HAPPY.

all the love in the world for ENT isn't really helping right now. arghhh

I LOVE OTOLARYNGOLOGY !!!!!!

(or ear, nose throat - ENT for the uninitiated)

i have been standing in clinics for the past 2 days, non-stop. ordinarily, i would be complaining about backache and how boring it has gotten. but strangely, i am energetic and well, my back doesn't ache as much as it should!

it might be the lovely doctors who're ever so willing to teach, or the interesting cases i see.

then again, it might entirely be the free drinks machine. coffee anyone? i have been max-ing out on my caffeine. OOPS.

but seriously, although i hate hate hate looking down microscopes, ENT has been fascinating. i actually want to read up on it to know more. i want to peer down the endoscope and see vocal cords and other things.

whoohoo!!!

i actually felt an enlarged lymph node today. amazing. usually i'm the one who'll completely miss it, but today, i actually got to feel it. and a thyroglossal cyst!
but on a more sombre note, thankfully both conditions were benign.

i went up to the wards, and spoke to a patient's mother. it made me greatly upset. but more details another time.

for now, i have to present the case at grand ward rounds to the prof tomorrow. i'm trying not to quake in my shoes about my lack of knowledge about quinsy, so i'm off to read up and try not to get royally owned! ;)