Tuesday, February 26, 2008

i'm such a scaredy-cat i disgust myself.
for every single tutorial we've had so far where we've done short cases, where we take turns to examine patients.

now, i'm the type who believes in going on a rotatory basis. but the rest of them, apparently, don't.

so that means for every single tutorial so far, i have NOT examined patients, i have NOT presented. in short, i have kept my big mouth shut and stood quietly at the side and tried to be a sponge to absorb. i hope i'm learning that way, because, as far as i remember, i didn't use to learn that way! hopefully our learning habits change as we age :D

but that aside, i really need to pluck up my courage and step forward to volunteer myself. so far it's been nothing but a vicious cycle, where i tell myself to be brave and stupid and volunteer for the tutorial, and then i get cowardly and chicken out. afterwhich, i get frustrated with myself for not being brave and beat myself up emotionally and tell myself to be braver at the next tutorial. it's really a vicious cycle and i get more and more stressed each time. it's not doing me any good at all!

but talking to my sister helped! and now i shall chant the mantra that it's ok to be stupid and to volunteer. i hope it works, we've a tutorial tomorrow again! :) wish me luck yes :)
and dear Shrink - your comment on listening to lungs was incredibly helpful! :)


The Shrink said...

It's good to cut your teeth, presenting stuff in a less threatening teaching environment than in exams . . . depends how supportive/formative the teaching is, though. I've been on rotations that had frankly psychopathic Consultants so keeping your head down was A Good Thing. But if the teaching's genuine, it's worth dabbling since that instills confidence as you evidence that even though nobody gets 100% right, you prove you're on the right lines.

And lungs well . . . like so much in medicine, you just need to do it long enough/see enough of them before that lightbulb moment and it comes together :-)

Harry said...

I say throw yourself into it, you'll swim I'm sure!

I know what you mean about not wanting to look stupid in front of peers, but we're all in the same boat and if anyone thinks that it's their failing.